Please Remember
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: "You really don't remember, do you?" Nikki is on the run with Bourne and she wishes he could remember what happened, what they had... Set during Ultimatum. One-shot.


**Disclaimer:** I wouldn't be on this site if I DID own the rights to the Bourne series (duh).

**A/n**: My own little AU "deleted scene", if you will, from Bourne Ultimatum, when Nikki is with Bourne in the motel. Should be clear where I'm starting from. Just a wee one-shot. Enjoy! Oh yes, and flashbacks are in italics.

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"You really don't remember, do you?"

He looked into her dark brown eyes, studying them carefully. They were familiar in a way that didn't make sense. Other than Berlin, he really felt he had never seen her before.

And yet…

It was like fleeting shadows moving in the very back of his mind. If he tried to look closer, they melted away and there was nothing. He squinted and desperately attempted to bring forth the memories Nikki sought.

Nothing.

He shook his head. "No."

She touched his hand, bloody and bruised from the fight with Desh. His eyes followed the movement of her fingers as she tenderly rubbed the top of his hand. A movement once again strangely familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

The touch, like her eyes, was like something from a dream he couldn't quite recall, from years ago. Still, no new memories came. No flashes. He glanced at her face and was confused to see sadness and longing etched in her features.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's not your fault." She whispered back.

* * *

Some time later, Nikki was bent over the sink of the cheap motel room's bathroom, hacking away at her freshly dyed hair. 

_It was time for a change anyway._ She thought, grimly studying her new hair do in the mirror. She sighed heavily.

Jason stopped outside the bathroom door and carefully peered in to see how it was going. When the eyes in her reflection locked onto his, he felt the breath go out of his cheat. She looked so much like Marie at that moment…

_He was massaging the dye into her hair and then rinsing it out in the tub. The color stained the tub and followed the water down the drain._

_He took some scissors and did his best to make her hair even. The scissors were dull though she never once complained._

_He was finished. She kissed his lips lightly and then he kissed her back. Running his hands through her "new" hair, he relished the feeling…_

"Is it ok?" Nikki asked quietly, pulling Jason back to the present.

Jason nodded numbly, thoughts of Marie darting through him like sparks of static electricity. He opened the door and stepped fully into the bathroom.

She turned to face him with a sad little half-smile. "I've never been good at cutting hair." She joked. She met his eyes and the smile faded.

"What is it?" he asked.

Her eyes glistened. "I just wish you could remember."

His shoulders sagged a little. "I wish you would tell me what you want me to remember." He swallowed, his mind still being bombarded with images of Marie. _Marie, I wish you were here…_

Then she leaned forward and her lips were against his. For a small moment, he was startled – and he was never startled. He almost pulled away when it happened. The shadows in the back of his mind burst and surged forward with astounding clarity, in a flood of flashing moments and images, smells, sounds, and sensations.

"_Hey, I'm Nikki Parsons – Logistics."_

_"Jason Bourne."_

_He shook her hand and she offered him an easy smile…_

_Then he was holding her hand, in some dimly lit office. They were talking about Treadstone…_

_He kissed romantically and she kissed him back…_

_"I can't be in love!" he shouted. "They built me to be a cold-blooded killer with no identity and that's what I am." He punched the wall hard, leaving a sizeable hole…_

_It was hot and heavy and they murmured 'I love you'…_

_He turned on his side to gaze at her. "If I could, I would take it all back. Start a normal life and marry you, Nikki. I love you so much."_

_She pulled the covers closer around her and smiled. "I love you too." She paused and then looked away. "But you can't. We can't. No one even knows about us except… well, us."_

_"I know. But someday, Nikki. We will get away and start over. I promise."_

_She smiled again, because she wanted to believe that it was possible, but knowing it wasn't…_

_He stood there with his gun aimed at the skull of Wombosi. He saw the children. It struck a chord deep inside of him._

_That could be me… with Nikki… and children…_

_He ran…_

_Darkness…_

Jason pulled back gasping, his head pounding violently.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to – I just – " Nikki stepped backwards, twisting her hands.

Jason put his fingers to his temples and shut his eyes. All the feelings he had apparently had for Nikki had come rushing back with the memories. He thought of Mrie and how he had loved her, taken her with him, gotten her killed…

It would be the same with Nikki, he knew. Worse, because she was part of the agency that created him. He couldn't take the chance; would never be able to live with himself if _both_ the women he ever loved died on his account. It was bad enough coping with Marie's death alone.

He caught his breath as the headache subsided. He slowly opened his eyes to see Nikki staring at him with a worried and guilty look on her face.

He suddenly ached to hold her, kiss her, be with her, tell her he remembered everything…

"We got to go." He said and left the bathroom.

-**End**-

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**A/n**: Kinda like how this one turned out. Tell me what you thought and leave me a review! And thanks for reading. :) 


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